


Sometimes you want words to fail

by sorciererouge



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Discussion of sexual assault, Rest of the Squad is mentioned too in a passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 05:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorciererouge/pseuds/sorciererouge
Summary: Jeremy talks with Brooke with the intent to apologise.Things just really don't go his way./ Author is rusty and wanted to write so here we are.





	Sometimes you want words to fail

**Author's Note:**

> So this includes discussions of sexual assault so heads up for that.
> 
> And as a pre warning I am rusty in terms of writing. And it probably shows. But I please keep in mind that I don't mean to belittle or anything like that with these topics. I take them seriously and in no way condone such things. And also want to address the fact that I found it fucked up.
> 
> Author just probably isn't very good at this.

Apologizing to Brooke had been on the list of things Jeremy had been planning to do ever since he had woken up with the Squip gone. And now that he had finally managed to sit down next to her with the intention to at the very least spit out the most basic 'I'm sorry I was a dick' he couldn't do even that. And he had been pushing this off for a while now without a clear reason he could understand. And now that he was in his own kitchen with Brooke sitting in front of him it should be easy.

 

Of course there had been more than enough things to do and manage that it hadn't been the highest priority. Apologizing to Michael and explaining everything had admittedly been important because Michael had saved him and in extension rest of the school. And probably the human civilization.

That and the twelve years of friendship he wanted to rekindle. The conversation itself had been draining. He tried to explain everything relevant but there were things he hadn't mentioned at all. Halloween, electrocution, _the fact that he really would prefer if people didn't pin his arms to his sides when hugging him._

But hey Michael was still his friend despite Jeremy being a piece of shit who caused him to get a panic attack in a bathroom and ignored him for who knows how long and then _willingly_ ignored him too. 

He probably wouldn't have survived the experience that was dealing with 'The Squad' without Michael. Rich was...surprisingly good friend once you got to know him. And could also relate to the problems he had with the mess the Squip had left behind. Jake was the epitome of a cool person and being in a wheelchair didn't stop it in the slightest. Jenna could probably tell him his entire life life story with added details he didn't even know existed.

Christine was a good friend. She really was! Even if it hadn't worked out between them it had been fun and the friendship he had with her was something he held dear despite the short time the had really known each other.

Chloe was...

"Jeremy?" Brooke's voice was gentle. But she was definitely worried for some reason. And the reason was probably that he had been sitting silently for a long time like a creep. Now a very flustered creep who was supposed to **keep it together for maximum of twenty seconds.**

"I uh...sorry I forgot what I was going to...", Jeremy trailer off awkwardly and ruffled his hair. Realistic goals Heere, he might as well aim for ten seconds of clear thoughts.

"Look Brooke...the Halloween party. Jake's party.", amazing start to a very stellar apology. Maybe he should consider running away and moving to Peru?

"I'm sorry. I was uh still Squipped back then but it doesn't really excuse the fact that I hurt you...", that was something that bothered him. Brooke didn't deserve to be pulled in to the clusterfuck that was the Sci-fi drama caused by his abysmal lack of self-confidence. But mabe he should be more specific? Make sure Broke knew that cheating her with her best friend hadn't been his plan.

Brooke looked shocked? Touched? Probably both which meant something that he really wasn't going to figure out right now.

"I appreciate it. I get it I guess. Chloe is more popular and prettier. I guess the Squip would want you to be with someone like that instead. And if you did too then yeah.", Brooke finished lamely. She didn't sound like he had caused her major pain. Well he probably had but she was dealing with it better. Something he filed to think about later because there where some much more pressing matters to address.

"You're amazing! And kind. And I didn't want to be with Chloe she just kind of..."

_ **Warning** _

_ **Warning** _

Okay so he was hearing imaginary voice yell warning in his ear but he had definitely said something he had absolutely no plans to reveal to anyone. At all. Ever. Whatever you could classify the thing with Chloe was something he had been working towards burying deep. Very deep. And then dying someday without anyone ever knowing about it. But he was Jeremy Heere and his life was like a sloppily done arts and crafts project. And the shitty macaroni that kept dropping was everything he wasn't supposed to say.

And sure maybe he was breathing way too hard and his hands were cold and clammy and Rich would probably say something about the way he was trying to appear smaller.

"Hey Jeremy. It's fine. Just breathe alright? If you don't want to talk it's fine but I forgive you. I didn't really hold it against you for long anyway.", Brooke was getting a bit frantic too. Which was shitty because she wasn't supposed to have to deal with his own personal baggage. But he made the effort to breathe better while wringing his hands together almost painfully.

"Good. Good. Just...match your breathing with mine? That's what the all say to do right? Well you're doing it so I guess." Time passed and Jeremy felt better. Not good but better. Enough that he was able to look Brooke in the eye and offer an extremely awkward smile.

"Thanks. Uh sorry about that." How Brooke could see herself as anything bad was hard to see because she looked supportive, concerned and well understandably curious. Because yeah he had just freaked out over something he had said himself. And after his freakout that Brooke really shouldn't have had to witness and be forced to help him with she probably deserved to known something.

"It's just that I didn't plan on sharing? Like that night I was supposed to meet with you. I thought so anyway, Chloe said that. But uh you weren't there and it kind of escalated? And I couldn't move because the Squip did something. So really I didn't want to cheat on you. You...there was nothing wrong with you.", his explanation was choppy, choked and if Jeremy hadn't drank some Mountain Dew Red before this for moral support and as a literal way to avoid an unsavory things he might be hearing more voices than usual too.

"Chloe tried to force herself on you?" There was even more shock in her voice now and something unidentifiable. That he had heard in Christine's voice when she got truly passionate about something. Like spoons that one time.

"No! No! Not really? She made out with me. But if I had managed to control my own body she probably would've stopped...But it didn't progress because she made me drank beer and that shut the Squip off and then Jake came in and well you know.", Jeremy thought the whole situation was a can of worms. Chloe had been drunk, really drunk. And he didn't have the ability to really do anything. Consent wasn't exactly working in either way? It was fucked up in all the ways it could be. God it really was but it hadn't progressed and he had never been more thankful about beer and angry jocks. Even if beer was ruined for him.

"That's horrible! You didn't deserve that. Nobody does. Chloe shouldn't have lied or done an of that. She was drunk but...I don't know I need to think. But it wasn't your fault okay?" Brooke's voice still held the emotions it had earlier and her eyes looked a bit wet. But it was all genuine and caring and that was exactly why he valued Brooke as a friend too. And would value her more after he could handle the breakdown that was bound to happen very soon.

"Yeah...yeah okay I got it. I just uh need time? This was unplanned and um.", how to kindly tell someone that 'I'm going to cry in about two minutes and I would prefer to be alone.' But Brooke seemed to have some inkling of an idea and she stood up stiffly, probably because the had been sitting for way too long anyway. Her hands moved to touch him but she seemed to second guess herself and pulled them back towards her instead.

"I'll text you later okay? Bye Jeremy." And then she was gone.

 

 

 

Few hours later he would be sipping room temperature water to hydrate himself again in his room and looking through messages (that he ignored) from the Squad member Group chat, Michael and one message from Brooke.

 

'I'm buying frozen yoghurt. Want some later?'

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this and thinking "Wow why is the author to paranoid." the answer is anxiety.
> 
> And I may be projecting it here a bit in terms of symptoms of anxiety. 
> 
> Anyway thank you for reading I guess.


End file.
